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Romare Bearden's 'Black Odyssey' Puts A Modern Harlem Twist On Classical Mythology

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If you happen to be studying at New York's Columbia University this fall you, like many other students around the world, will be assigned to read Homer's "Odyssey," that epic epic poem about a flawed hero's journey home.

However, unlike most other students studying the classic, you'll have the remarkable privilege of digesting the text alongside Romare Bearden's "Black Odyssey," a collage series dating back to the 1970s. His jagged-edged color fields create a stream of images, 20 collages in total. The modern interpretation of the ancient Greek myth reveals that perhaps Ithaca and Harlem aren't that far apart after all.

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Circe, Collage, 1977


Bearden was born in Charlotte, North Carolina in 1914. As a child he moved with his parents to Harlem, New York -- part of a larger African American migration from the hostility of the South to the promises of the North. It was potentially this move that sparked Bearden's interest in the journey, both abroad and back home, all of which appeared recurrently in his images.

Although he was already in his mid-sixties when he embarked on "Black Odyssey," Bearden hadn't been a practicing artist for all that long. He's widely considered a late bloomer, taking up the medium of collage sometime in the 1950s and truly immersing himself in the '60s. His cut-and-pasted scenes combine Henri Matisse's rhythmic energy with Faith Ringgold's flattened abstraction, yielding Cubist collages that forecast the intermingling of artistic media that would later become standard practice.

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Cattle of the Sun God, Collage, 1977


Bearden's inclination to jumble, mismatch and scratch away at materials mirrors his attitude toward subject matter; Homer's "Odyssey" is just another influence to fold into the fabric. Yet the distance between ancient mythology and modern artwork isn't as great as you might think. Bearden was fiercely devoted to the idea of art and myth as universal expressions of the human experience. "I give every effort to give my works a universal character," the artist said in 1970, "and I feel that the meanings can be extended and reinforced by means of myth and ritual.

Students and visitors roaming Bearden's exhibition will have the rare opportunity to view the logic of collage transcend a physical art object and organize a lived experience. The close juxtaposition of disparate times, places, stories, voices and influences creates a collaged reality for viewers to absorb through their eyes and minds. As exhibition curator Robert O'Meally explained: "Bearden not only staked a claim to the tales of ancient Greece as having modern relevance, he also made the claim of global cultural collage -- that as humans, we are all collages of our unique experiences."

"Romare Bearden: A Black Odyssey" runs from November 15, 2014 until March 14, 2015 at Columbia’s Wallach Art Gallery. Enjoy a preview of the exhibition below.



Columbia Explores Romare Bearden: A Black Odyssey from ColumbiaNews on Vimeo.



Marian Hill Makes 'Sax-ual' Music

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Introducing Marian Hill: the answer to your musical cravings to bite into some blues, jazz, heavy bass and some of the most delicate vocals you have ever heard.

"It's sax-ual," vocalist Samantha Gongol told The Huffington Post.

The duo behind the budding group, Jeremy Lloyd and Gongol, creates something undeniably sexy, combining hard-hitting, minimal beats with the saxophone that recalls the playful seduction of the 1920s. Perhaps if Ella Fitzgerald, James Blake, Banks, Wild Belle and Jay Gatsby somehow had a collective baby, that child would be Marian Hill.



"Whiskey," the first song the two ever wrote together, which describes a woman in control of her own sexuality, "sort of created itself," Gongol said.

Lloyd explained, "I came home with a beat I had been messing around with and Sam started singing this thing to it. Then we got really excited and we wrote for like a day and the result was 'Whiskey.'"



Llyod's background in music theatre from Yale University and Gongol's in music business from New York University provide them with the technical skills they need to differentiate themselves from the quickly saturating pool of electronic R&B artists. They understand the mechanics of weaving together sounds from different generations. The result is as delicious as it is refreshing.

"At the core of it, for Sam and I, we're always making sure that there's this really solid song at the center of it," Llyod said. "Basic chords, melody, lyrics but there's a song there that stands on its own and could be covered and exists as a song which is basically ... the crux of what I was studying in school."

Marian Hill's upcoming 7” is out on Dec. 2 via B3SCI Records, which will include "Got It" and new track "Lips."

To listen to more of Marian Hill's tunes, head over to their Spotify/Soundcloud page.

before the beat drops

Before The Beat Drops is an artist introduction series dedicated to bringing you the rising acts before they make their break. Our unlimited access to music of all kinds is both amazing and overwhelming. Keeping your playlists fresh, we'll be doing the leg work to help you discover your next favorite artist.

John Oliver Returns To 'The Daily Show'

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John Oliver's back, taking one more spin in the "non-premium cable host chair" to help John Stewart promote his new film, "Rosewater."

Oliver guest-hosted the show when Stewart was shooting the film, which helped earn him his own show on HBO. But on Thursday night, he returned to Comedy Central after being summoned by Stewart. "We're doing this my way," Oliver joked.

Check out the clip below:

12 Things You May Not Know About 'Steel Magnolias'

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There may be no movie that better epitomizes the bond of female friendship than "Steel Magnolias." Released 25 years ago this week, it's become a touchstone -- mothers share the film with their daughters, teen girls turn to it as a sleepover staple and men of all ages find themselves taken with the tale of six brassy Southern ladies (Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis and Julia Roberts) faced with one grave tragedy. Initial reviews were mixed, but it became 1989's 14th highest-grossing film nonetheless. Today, you can't turn on a television set without finding it somewhere. We caught up with Robert Harling, who adapted the movie from his 1987 play, to learn just how much "Steel Magnolias" means to him.

For Harling, it's all a true story.
Even though "Steel Magnolias" doesn't open with a "based on a true story" title card, Shelby's tale belongs to Harling's sister, Susan. Harling's good friend Michael Weller, who wrote the play "Moonchildren" and adapted the movie "Hair," and his wife, Kathy, urged Harling to process his sister's death by writing something. He whipped up the stage version of "Steel Magnolias" in a quick 10 days. "I wrote it to somehow get this true story off my chest and to celebrate my sister in the process," Harling said. That means all of the characters are based on real people from his hometown of Natchitoches, Louisiana.

After opening off-Broadway, it was a seamless journey to the big screen.
Hollywood producer Ray Stark ("Funny Girl," "Smokey and the Bandit") saw the play and approached Harling about a potential movie. Stark wasn't the only one, but his offer to shoot in Harling's hometown -- and a guarantee that he'd "get the greatest cast you can imagine" -- became the winning bid. The deals were made in the fall of 1987, approximately six months after the play opened. "That’s how it came to me and then Ray got Herbert Ross to direct it and then it was this domino effect of superstar after superstar," Harling recalled.

Harling created the role of Truvy, the beauty-shop owner, for Margo Martindale.
Two years before Dolly Parton played the part onscreen, Martindale originated Truvy in the off-Broadway debut. She and Harling were friends, and he wrote the part for her. Constance Shulman originated Annelle, and today you can see Shulman -- who voiced Patti Mayonnaise on Nickelodeon's "Doug" -- as Yoga Jones on "Orange is the New Black." The 2005 Broadway debut, directed by Jason Moore ("Pitch Perfect"), featured Delta Burke, Christine Ebersole, Rebecca Gayheart, Marsha Mason and Lily Rabe.

But back in 1987, no one expected it to be considered a comedy.
It wasn't until audiences found "Magnolias" that Harling and the others involved with the production realized it had the trappings of a comedy. "All the women I knew were really funny," Harling said of his approach to the setting that surrounds the tragedy at the story's center. "They all love one-liners and they talk in bumper stickers, and they’re sharp, funny women." Martindale still regales him with memories of their surprised reactions to the audience's reception. "I just saw her not too long ago," he said. "She’ll say, 'Remember when we just didn’t realize we were gonna get all those laughs? We thought we were doin’ a drama!'"

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Once Herbert Ross signed on, the A-listers started rolling in.
Ross directed "Funny Lady," "The Sunshine Boys" and "Footloose" before "Steel Magnolias" entered his life. Ross sent around the script after it was done, and Harling recalls a dinner at Orso, a popular restaurant in New York City's Theater District, where the director told him he'd run in to Sally Field a few days prior. "I think she would be very good to play your mother, don’t you think?” Ross asked. “Uh…yeah," Harling responded. A few days later: “Dolly. She should be Truvy, don’t you think?” “Yeah.” And so on, until Shirley MacLaine (Ouiser), Olympia Dukakis (Clairee), Darryl Hanah (Annelle), Tom Skerritt (Drum), Sam Shepard (Spud) and Dylan McDermott (Jackson) rounded out the cast.

But Harling, like most others, had no idea who this gal named Julia Roberts was when casting director Hank McCann said, "Oh, there’s this great girl, but she’s off doing some movie about a pizza or something," referring to 1988's "Mystic Pizza." "But you should see her, she’s terrific." Indeed she was -- "Steel Magnolias" was the last time Julia Roberts would appear in a movie without A-lister status, and, at 23, she became the source of the movie's sole Oscar nomination.

Bette Davis invited Harling to her hotel for tea to discuss playing Ouiser.
During the "avalanche" of the movie's development process, Harling answered the phone one day to the sounds of someone claiming to be Bette Davis. Thinking it was a friend playing a prank, he responded by saying he did not have time at the moment. The caller repeated her introduction, because she was Bette Davis. The 80-year-old actress wanted to invite Harling for tea at her hotel near Columbus Circle. Davis hadn't yet seen the play, but Elizabeth Taylor had. (Police were forced to shut down the street outside the theater because so many people were rubbernecking Taylor's arrival.) Davis wanted to play Ouiser, and she suggested Taylor for M'Lynn and Katharine Hepburn for Clairee. "It was fantastic, "Harling recalled. "If I ever write a book, it’s a complete, incredible chapter. She basically, bless her heart, wanted to show that she was up and at ‘em and doing it. There was nobody else and she was looking fabulous." Luckily for Harling, it was in someone else's hands to break the news to Davis that the movie would be casting younger women.

Harling played the minister who serves at Shelby's wedding and funeral.
Harling was on the set for the shoot, and Ross suggested he appear in the movie. He agreed, as long as he only had one line to say. "People have said, 'Well, you’re an idiot, you just have one line, what’s the matter with you?'" Harling, who originally moved to New York to become an actor, said. "But that’s not what it was for. The movie had very little to do with me."

The medical staff who attended to Harling's sister also attended to Shelby in the movie.
The nurse who turned off Susan's life-support equipment turned off Shelby's machines after her body rejects the kidney M'Lynn has given her, which Harling said "added a sense of real gravity and reality to it all." The day that scene was filmed, Harling's mother, who'd also grown close with Roberts and the rest of the cast during the shoot, insisted on sticking around to watch the scene. Harling discouraged her, thinking it would be too traumatic -- but then he realized he "wrote a play about steel magnolias and she's going to do whatever she wants to do." After the scene was done, Roberts rose from the bed and Harling went over to check on his mother. Her eyes were still dry. "I said, 'I can’t believe you put yourself through that.' She said, 'No, I wanted to see Julia get up and walk away.' The things we impose on situations, but Julia had become so special to my parents. She took some peace with that."

Shelby leans in, years before that was part of anyone's vernacular.
Shelby states, plain and simple, that she plans to keep her job as a nurse once she's married and pregnant. Harling didn't set out to craft an overt feminist message because to him that wasn't even a consideration. "Whether you say that in 1988 or now, these women got it done," he said. "We’ve managed to encompass that in our vocabulary, but it’s always been, where I’m from, about getting it done. Now there’s a lot more Internet involved with it. But its basic force is: 'I am woman, hear my roar.' That’s been with us for decades."

Yes, there were some heated moments on the set.
When Field and MacLaine presented "Steel Magnolias" at AFI's Night at the Movies in 2013, they recounted memories of Ross, who died in 2001, clashing with the actresses on the set. The ladies recalled Ross telling Roberts and Parton they "couldn't act." Harling corroborated that tense energy, saying "it happens on every set." "The women as a unit were completely impenetrable," he said. "They were so exactly what this movie was about -- they were totally, totally supportive of each other. And yes, Herbert had some strong moments and there were some disagreements. It happens on every set. But what I take away from that is all the other women coming to Julia’s defense. That was the most moving thing to me. I tell the truth: There were some clashes, but it was never that he hated any of the women. It was Herbert pushing everybody. Herbert pushed. He pushed really hard. It was really hard and when you’re working with Sally Field or Dolly Parton -- they had been around for a while and they kind of know how to deal with that. That’s what happens in the business. Julia was new, and I just thought it was incredibly moving the way they rallied around Julia. And hey, she was the one who was nominated for an Oscar. She wins."

steel magnolias julia roberts

After shooting would wrap each day, the cast would get together to eat and play games -- and that's how "Soapdish" was born.
There weren't many nightlife options in Natchitoches, which today has a population of about 18,000, so the cast would play games like Pictionary and charades in the evenings. One night, after they'd exhausted most of their typical options, the group took to posing questions for everyone to answer. Harling asked each actress to name the role she'd most like to play. Dolly Parton's was Medea. Shirley MacLaine said she'd never portrayed an alcoholic (that changed the following year when "Postcards From the Edge" came out). Julia Roberts reminded everyone she still "just wanted to work." And Sally Field, after pondering it, said she always played "really noble, earnest women that wear crummy clothes. For once I'd like to play a bitch that gets to wear nice clothes." And that was how "Sopadish" came about. Harling found himself thinking about the idea of America's sweetheart actually being someone who "really destroyed the lives of everyone around her." He put the concept to use in the 1991 comedy, which starred Field as an aging soap-opera actress who conspires to ruin the career of her co-star. ("Soapdish" will soon become a Broadway musical starring Kristin Chenoweth.)

Harling isn't a big fan of Lifetime's remake.
"It was unnecessary," he said of the 2012 update starring Queen Latifah, Alfre Woodard, Jill Scott and Phylicia Rashād. He was familiar with African-American reboots and the smorgasbord of alternate versions performed across all ethnicities, and thinks it's "thrilling" that so many different groups have found universality in the play. The Lifetime version had "remarkable" actresses, Harling said, but he wasn't fond of the "hacked-up, copy-and-paste job" the script received. "It is the story of my sister," he said. "It did not need to be cut up so the commercials can fit. I have stronger words for that, but I just thought it was exploitation. Thank you for that question because I like going on record saying it does not have my blessing."

11 Images That Will Make You Go 'Wait, Really?'

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Pop culture is full of surprising little stories that completely challenge the way you think about Hollywood and its inhabitants. We've pulled together 11 that will change your perception about the most famous of icons:

1. Christopher Robin is based on a real child and his stuffed bear.

A.A. Milne, author of 1926's Winnie-the-Pooh, based Pooh's friend on his son, Christopher Robin Milne.




2. The Beatles also walked the other way across Abbey Road.


Abbey Road isn't a one way street. This rare photo was sold in 2012 for £16,000.




3. Mr. Rogers was really good at giving the middle finger.

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This happened while he was playing "Where is Thumbkin?" with kids.




4. Charlie Chaplin didn't always have a moustache.


Chaplin eventually grew the moustache to "add age without hiding [his] expression" for his comedic character.




5. The Hollywood sign originally read "Hollywoodland."


The development was called Hollywoodland and the sign was a real estate advertisement.




6. Michael Jordan was just a dorky college kid at one point.


Of course, he became cool pretty quickly.




7. Ronald Reagan acted with James Dean.

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In 1954, they appeared together on a live episode of "General Electric Theater," with Reagan fighting off an armed Dean.




8. Marilyn Monroe used to be a brunette who assembled drones during WW II.

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At the time, she was just a teenager named Norma Jeane Dougherty.

Image: WikiCommons




9. This is Salvador Dalí hanging out with Alice Cooper.

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Dalí may have been born at the turn of the century, and created "The Persistence of Memory," in 1931, but he lived long enough for Alice Cooper to share a beer with him, in 1973.




10. Michael Jackson had a skin pigmentation disease.


Jackson's autopsy confirmed the star had vitiligo, which causes "some areas of the skin appear light and others appear dark."




11. For a festival that promoted love and harmony, the Woodstock grounds were devastated in the aftermath.

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The concert was considered a "catastrophe" for the town.




BONUS: Betty White has been around longer than sliced bread.


That looks like a piece of toast on her plate, doesn't it? White was born in 1922; sliced bread was introduced in 1928.

'The World Of PostSecret' Reveals What Lurks In The Hearts Of Man

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PostSecret, a blog sharing anonymous postcards emblazoned with the senders' secrets, was the original, analog Whisper -- and a form of Whisper incapable of tracking users via digital trickery, an accusation that has been leveled at the secret-sharing app. In an age when it's becoming clear how difficult it is to maintain our privacy, especially in the online world where we increasingly spend our time, the old-fashioned anonymity of PostSecret seems all the more appealing. Hackers and unscrupulous corporations may be able to crack our passwords and leak our apparently hidden personal info, but who can reveal the sender of an unsigned postcard?

There's no better time, then, for a new book from Frank Warren, the creator of PostSecret. The World of PostSecret collects hundreds of postcard secrets -- and a glimpse into PostSecret's own brief dalliance with having an app. "Anonymity," Warren said, "worked on the PostSecret website but proved to be the Achilles' heel for the app." Though the book highlights a number of poignant secrets from the app, the postcards remain the stars of the show. The hand-scrawled notes, doodles, and carefully chosen background images seem to carry as much meaning as the words themselves.

In the book, Warren himself divulges one or two secrets from over the years that were actually his own -- but it's comforting to know that the rest of the secrets are safe with PostSecret.

We've excerpted several secrets from The World of PostSecret, including a few that capture the secret lives of bookworms:

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All images copyright © Frank Warren. Excerpted with permission from The World of PostSecret (William Morrow).

'The Little Mermaid' Comic Book Reminds Us That The Story Isn't Just For Kids

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The following originally appeared in The Graphic Canon of Children's Literature, an anthology that rounds up the best comic adaptations of classic stories for kids. In this particular excerpt, illustrator Dame Darcy puts a graphic spin on the The Little Mermaid.

Disney's version isn't exactly faithful to the original. Hans Christian Andersen's story does involve a mermaid's quest for the love of a prince -- a desire that earns her a temporary pair of legs for her mission. But rather than swiftly falling in true love, Ariel endures physical pain and is betrayed for another by the prince. She's then asked to choose between his life and hers, and the pressure of the choice drives her to throw herself into the sea, and she turns into sea foam.

Darcy's comic finds a middle ground between the Andersen's sinister tale and Disney's glossy adaptation. Her depiction of the sea-witch's lair includes the bones of shipwrecked sailors, and she includes the gruesome detail about the removal of Ariel's tongue during her journey on land.

Read a portion of Dame Darcy's "The Little Mermaid" below:


Kim Kardashian Posed Nude. Her Motherhood Has Nothing To Do With It.

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Yesterday, Kim Kardashian's oiled-up behind graced the cover of Paper Magazine -- were you aware? The internet quickly freaked out, and subsequently freaked out about freaking out. She hardly broke the internet, but she certainly got its disciples talking.

#BreakTheInternet

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on





While opinions are divided on whether or not Kim's nude cover was bold or boring, one particular online reaction rubbed us the wrong way. Some dissenters claimed that Kardashian's decision to pose nude was offensive and morally lacking -- largely because she's a mother.

Glee's Naya Rivera (allegedly) commented on it:






Lorde took a more enigmatic approach.






Many an indignant tweeter hopped on the but she's a mom! train.

There are many reasons to roll your eyes at Mrs. West. But her decision to pose nude, while having at one point in her life birthed a child, is not one of them. It is, of course, every woman's prerogative to show or not show her body, regardless of whether she's spawned children.

In the art world -- a world in which Kardashian likely feels she belongs -- the tradition of posing nude post-motherhood is hardly rare. Take, for example, Lucy Hilmer, a photographer who made the internet collectively smile earlier this year thanks to her series "Birthday Suit." Every year since 1974, Hilmer has photographed herself on her birthday wearing only her underwear. In one image, Hilmer even poses nude with her child grabbing at her breast.

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All images © Lucy Hilmer


"What I’ve learned is that I’m really no different from anyone else," Hilmer explained in an earlier interview with The Huffington Post, "and the truths we share are so often hidden. What I think I’ve done in these self-portraits is to strip off a layer or two to reveal some of those truths that are universal." In Hilmer's works, nudity serves a purpose other than sex -- in this case, it functions to reveal universal truths.

And then there's Aleah Chapin, who, in her "Aunties Project," painted the nude women she grew up with off the coast of Washington, many of whom are mothers. The painted series communicates the beauty of the human body, stripping nudity of any sense of shame or taboo. The subjects stand firmly in defense of their bodies, and their right to exhibit them as they please.

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We can't forget Laurie Simmons -- artist, photographer, and mother of Lena Dunham. "My mother invented the selfie," Dunham writes in Not That Kind of Girl. "In the images she took of herself in the loft, she was only sometimes dressed, in a baggy sweater or belted safari shorts. But most of the time she was naked... The eye is drawn to her nakedness. Legs spread defiantly."

At the end of the day, Kardashian is far from the first mother to pose nude and probably far from the last. We understand artists like Hilmer and Chapin aim to broaden the scope of nude bodies that are endowed visibility in the public sphere, while Kardashian only affirms a more idealized and unrealistic body image. However a body is a body, and every woman should decide for herself he right time to oil up the buns and make a quick million (or 43). Telling a woman what she can or cannot do with her body is problematic, to say the least.

So just as we wouldn't slut-shame or body-shame, let's not mom-shame if we can help it. Speculate on pop culture's fascination with reality stars all you want, or the ever-evolving nature of the Kimye brand. Or photographer Jean-Paul Goude's questionable fetishization of women. But leave motherhood out of it.

We're pretty certain the only way to stop Kardashian's reign is to not talk about her endlessly anyway. Let's direct this conversation to Laurie Simmons, shall we?

Laugh At The Marvel That Is 'Odd Birdz,' Fringe Theater Hailing All The Way From Israel

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A funny thing happens when you see "Odd Birdz" by the Israeli ensemble Tziporela. You discover you have a range of laughs: You have a rolling laugh that starts out small and picks up, like a snowball; a steady laugh that hurts the sides of your stomach into its eighth consecutive minute; and a staccato "ha!" that punctures your smile, like exclamatory punctuation, whenever something incredibly clever unravels before you.

If you're in the business of laughing and you're in New York City this week, you have to see "Odd Birdz."

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The sketch comedy troupe had a wildly successful run in Israel, racking up well over 500 shows, before hopping on a plane to the Big Apple four weeks ago. Next week, the fiercely talented crew will pack its drawn-on white T-shirts, their sweaters upon sweaters and red berets and hop on a plane right back.

A cast of eight -- Gal Friedman, Efrat Aviv, Omri Doron, Ben Perry, Tamara Klingon, Dana Ivgy, Tomer Nahir Petluk and Naama Amit -- run through 22 skits with proficiency and indomitable wit. They combine zany satire with (frequently impressive) physical comedy, poking fun at awkward first dates, talk show hosts and selfies. They sing, they dance, they contort. You'll never see the next bit coming.


Ben Perry and Tamara Klayngon in "Date."


They turn the transitions between skits into skits. They sit next to you in the audience when the theater fills up and wait for you out on the street, serenading with a guitar, when you leave. They are a brilliant bunch that oftentimes make you think while you laugh, and wonder how they came up with ideas that are so on point.

Any qualms about Israeli humor getting lost in translation or not sitting well with an American audience were quashed. This, despite meddling with the usually tabooed topics of death, homosexuality and stereotypes. Their brand of absurd transcends culture, origin and language. Though, it is in English, just to be on the safe side.

Catch "Odd Birdz" at Players Theater in New York City now until Nov. 19.

Artist (Literally) Looks For A Needle In A Haystack -- And Yes, It's Performance Art

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Sometimes performance art can be so abstruse understanding its meaning is like digging for a needle in a haystack. Other times, artists are actually digging for needles in haystacks, and the meaning is all too (painfully) obvious. Yes, performance art has officially swallowed itself and puked itself back out, thanks to an Italian artist named Sven Sachsalber.

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In what sounds like a line from The Onion, Sachsalber will spend at least 48 hours at Paris' Palais de Tokyo searching for a needle hidden by museum director Jean de Loisy. ''It is a symbol of the search we are all doing for something,'' Loisy told BBC News. Yup, we get it. The piece, which bears the overwrought title "Performance," began on November 13, and continues for as long as it takes to locate said bodkin. We know, the anticipation is too much.

As far as bizarre and pointless-seeming artworks go, this isn't Sachsalber's first time at the rodeo. According to ArtNet News, his most well-known feats include eating a poisonous mushroom, rooming with a cow for 24 hours, and cutting down a massive tree by hand. In fact, even as far as artworks that involve searching for a needle in a haystack this isn't Sachsalber's first gig. A previous version of the work, dubbed "Die Nadel im Heuhaufen (Needle in a Haystack)," took place in 2012 at London's Limoncello Gallery.

If you've always wanted to know what it looks like to actually look for a needle in a haystack, check out this three-hour-and-48-minute YouTube video capturing the adrenaline rush in live feed. Let's give it up for performance art!

That Fake Yoko Ono/Katy Perry 'Cover' Is Still Worth 1,000,000 Listens

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It's obvious why the video below, of Yoko Ono singing a cover of Katy Perry's "Firework," keeps coming back. It is, in a word, amazing.



It's also too good to be true. If only Ono were actually scream-hiccuping over a schmaltzy instrumental pop track in an official looking gallery somewhere, as witnesses look on, both game and alarmed.

But as internet sleuths pointed out two years ago when the "cover" first went viral, 'tis but a beautiful dream. What we have here is actually just altered footage of Ono at the Museum of Modern Art in 2010, reviving her 1961 installation "Voice Piece for Soprano." Katy Perry got involved via a nifty bit of editing by YouTube user Kroiker McGuire, who has built something of a cottage industry out of the concept. (Our favorite: "'I'm Sexy And I Know It' Yoko Ono Covers LMFAO.")


The original footage of Ono at the MoMA in 2010, pre-'Firework'-ification.


There's so much to unpack in this weird, comical mashup. Online opinion is of course split. Among those who believe the cover to be genuine, some are tweeting out links alongside ironic promises of a "beautiful rendition," and others are hailing Ono for her don't-give-a-damn attitude. Still others are insulting the artist for completely unrelated reasons, because, Internet.







Now let us, Ono style, unrelentingly sing some praises. Wherever you stand on the woman, there's no denying the genius of the video she made possible. Somehow, the genre of cover song isn't often parodied, though it should be. It's one of the least imaginative ways to make money as a musician, and here is the ultimate subversion of it: a cover that sounds absolutely nothing like the original, or really like anything at all.

But the bigger subversion lies in toppling the exclusivity of anything avant-garde. Any time a random meeting of worlds can turn a new audience onto an offering that tends to get hoarded by those with access to museums and fashion shows (see: Jay Z meeting Ellen Grossman, or Beyoncé's appropriation of Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker's work), we should celebrate. These are the moments when art feels relevant. A work might pass the Chelsea gallerist's litmus test, but isn't it more interesting to watch how it fares in the big bad world?


Our favorite of YouTube user Kroiker McGuire's faux covers, set to a genteel, instrumental version of LMFAO's "Party Rock."


As it happens, "Voice Piece For Soprano" was itself divisive when MoMA unveiled it in 2010, as part of a retrospective exhibit titled "Contemporary Art From The Collection." An interactive installation, it featured a microphone, speakers, and these instructions to visitors: “Scream against the wind/ against the wall/ against the sky."

Not everyone has the lung capacity or artistic commitment of Ono, whose screams are getting their due. Reports soon surfaced of disgruntled staff and patrons, unnerved by the random shouts of participants. The museum eventually took action, turning down the volume on the speakers despite Ono's instructions. An Observer article detailing the decision ended with one of the paper's more memorable kickers, a quote from a MoMA book specialist working near to the installation who quipped when asked if the quieter version was still popular: "Unfortunately, yes."

Praise came after the fact, presumably once reviewers' ears stopped ringing. A piece in The New York Times, published three summers after the MoMA retrospective, praised "Voice Piece" for the very reasons the installation had turned so many potential supporters off. Here, after all, was an installation designed to alienate even the most diehard fans. Such gaucheness rarely attends modern art, which exists in a world built on sycophancy (indeed, an unidentified MoMA staffer told the Observer the museum would likely turn the volume temporarily up when Ono dropped by, simply to appease her.)


One of a few Ono 'cover' videos not attributed to the master of the genre, Kroiker McGuire. "This heartfelt rendition of our national anthem confirms Yoko Ono as one of the greatest vocalists alive today," reads the video's clearly facetious description on YouTube.


The installation, The Times concluded, was "very un-MoMA." Which, the article clarified, was a good thing. It was "unpredictable, uncontrolled, anarchic, all that the institution is not." More importantly, it accomplished "what sound art was historically meant to do: to give sound -- variously referred to as noise, or music or silence -- the assertive presence of any other art medium, make it fill space, claim attention and time."

An earlier version of the installation proved much the same point. In 2001, the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis presented "Voice Piece," and broadened the invitation to participate to anyone with a phone. Interested parties could call into a voicemail system and yell to their hearts' content. The sounds were then compiled into an online timeline. One man wrote to the museum to describe what sounded like a joyful cross-species contribution, involving himself, his 80-year-old friend Helen, and his parakeet. He rigged up a few portable and stationary phones to accommodate all three beings in his L-shaped home, and the trio started "jamming," the bird rapping "his head along the side of the cage, & improving [sic] w/us," the man wrote. Another woman took the opportunity to record human noise in the English wild.

14:40, 14:48 and 15:55 are all the screams of crazy drunk people
roaming towards the bigg market down high bridge st in newcastle, as
heard from the third floor window of the office of locus+ (there's a six
hour time difference between minneapolis and england, so if it's 4pm at
the Walker's answering machine, it's 10pm, an hour til last orders, here
in the northeast UK).


The charm of the idea, to document every shade of human noise, is undeniable, even if the experience of it isn't. And even in its viral form, "Voice Piece" is challenging our standards for what we consider appropriate to hear. Ok, Ono didn't have "Firework" in her head when she took to the mic at MoMA. But she still managed to produce the most popular -- and unexpected -- cover of the song there is.

Five Off (And Off Off) Broadway Shows Most Definitely Worth Your Time This Month

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Off Broadway plays can get really weird. Like, watermelon-being-smashed-to-bits-on-stage weird. So when the basic Broadway lineup starts to feel tired, it can be difficult to navigate theater options that extend beyond seeing "Wicked" for the fourth time. Here to help you avoid being needlessly splattered with fresh fruit, we bring you the first of our monthly roundups of five Off and Off Off Broadway shows.

"Here Lies Love"
Great For: Everyone who is already a little tipsy

herelies

"Here Lies Love" is basically the story of Filipino politicians Imelda and Ferdinand Marcos set at a sweet sixteen in the '80s. You'll check coats and bags before gathering to stand around a rotating platform that makes for a mandatorily immersive theater experience (as in: "get out of the way, or be body checked by the man in a jumpsuit lugging Stage Right to the left!") The rise and fall of the Marcos duo is fascinating in its own, but the older-skewing crowd being aggressively encouraged to line dance to songs by Fatboy Slim and David Byrne makes for a pulpy spectacle only loosely rooted in tragic Phillipine history.

In performances until January 3 at the Public Theater.

"50 Shades! The Musical"
Great For: Inner goddesses

50shades

Three Skinnygirl-drinking book club members act as a sort of Greek chorus for the wonderful mess that is "50 Shades! The Musical," standing in for the book's audience and the play's as well. With the help of some Pinot, the crowd will surely scream multiple times per scene -- as if whatever sexual awakening was endowed by "50 Shades!" were to repeatedly reach its climax. Our Anna has a killer voice, but it's the morbidly obese Christian Grey who will steal your heart with his delirious physical comedy. This show handles its source material with the gentleness of a grizzly bear unwrapping a Special K bar and it's all the better for it.

In performances until January 4 at Elektra Theater.

"Smoke"
Great For: Those who understand the value of a good carcinogenic or wear lots of crop tops

smoke

"Smoke" is what would happen if Lena Dunham adapted David Ives' "Venus In Fur" in Roman Polanski's place. The set is intimate (and here "intimate" means you can smell the cigarettes the two-person cast smokes from your folding chair 10 feet away). The rapid-fire dialogue unfolds into a long scene centered around the inherently complex power struggles of BDSM with a hint of hipsterism. If this provocative(ish) one act were filmed and made available via Hulu, ads for Urban Outfitters would play during commercial breaks.

In performances until November 16 at The Flea Theater.

"The Bullpen
Great For: Fans of true crime drama who are not offended by deliberately ethnic accents

bullpen

An 18-character one-man show might trigger you to recall the 1976 made-for-TV movie "Sybil." There are moments when writer and 18-part actor Joe Assadourian is seemingly just narrating the voices in his head, though that speaks to how closely tied he is to his characters. The dexterous transitions are a mix of frightening and impressive. By the end, you'll likely be unsure if "The Bullpen" is a masterful impressionist, a man on the verge of a psychotic break or some entertaining combination of the two.

In performances at The Playroom Theater.

"Disenchanted!"
Great For: Feminists who feel guilty about really liking Cinderella

disenchanted

Imagine a Buzzfeed Disney princesses post along the lines of "What If Disney Princesses Had Realistic Waistlines ... And Weren't Based On Sexist And Racist Interpretations Of Females?" set to music. That is this show. The songs are generic, almost to the extent that they work as a parody of musical theater. It's as if an aggressively talented improv team got the suggestion "Snow White" and had a little extra time to practice (and make costumes) before showtime. What comes together is a version of happily ever after where "the princess who kissed a frog" finally gets to be black, Mulan is a lesbian, and the idea of needing a man to save you is called out for the bullshit it's always been.

In performances starting December 4 at St. Clements Theater.

Paul McCarthy's Naughty Chocolate Factory Has Santa Claus, Candy And Plenty Of Innuendos

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If you've ever looked at folklore's jolliest old men and gotten the heebie-jeebies -- we're looking at you, Willy Wonka and Santa Claus -- this contemporary art experience will give you goosebumps in the best/worst way possible. It's called "Chocolate Factory" and it comes straight from the brain of the art world's most beloved creepy old man, Paul McCarthy.

If you've heard that name recently, it's probably in the context of the giant inflatable sculpture recently installed in Paris' Place Vendôme that, despite its title of "Tree," bears a striking resemblance to a super-sized butt plug. If you were of the camp that was offended by the 80-foot holiday timber slash anal toy, you probably won't be too keen on McCarthy's accompanying show, a similarly perverse romp that will forever tarnish your holiday cheer.

paul

The show takes place at the newly re-opened Monnaie de Paris, the Paris Mint, which, dating back to 864, is Paris' oldest institution. The Mint has embarked upon a new cultural strategy, hosting a contemporary artist to make and present his or her work in the historic building each year.

McCarthy was certainly a bold choice for the first recruit. The artist's most recent forays into the art world consist of a pornographic interpretation of Snow White, a self portrait sculpture so realistic we're still having nightmares, and a giant piece of inflatable poop.

choc

His chocolate factory fits right into the mold, toeing the line between high brow artspeak and questionable fart jokes while addressing the magic of Hollywood and the dark side of the American dream. McCarthy fully transforms the entire ancient Parisian establishment, erecting within its opulent Baroque architecture a fully functional chocolate factory. First the viewers enter into a fairy tale forest of inflated butt plugs Christmas trees before making their way through a life-size chocolate making operation. Confectioners in blonde wigs and red shirts are hard at work, mass producing edible sculptures of a gnome-like Santa and his favorite NSFW tree shape.

The operation exposes the mechanics behind mass production, which surge as a result of all that holiday cheer. The chocolate sculptures, or edible artworks, are available for purchase at the site of the exhibition. You can buy (and eat) the art on view -- a magical opportunity of truly Willy Wonka-size proportions. The fact that all this takes place within the oldest manufacturing plant in Paris is the final punchline.

paul

The second portion of the exhibition operates as a personal dreamworld; in effect, the complete opposite of an impersonal, efficient factory setting. Viewers are left with the choice of whether or not to view this portion of the show, which features eight different films played in eight different salons, each designed to speak directly to our subconscious, hidden parts. The artist's bed sits as the centerpiece, the locus of said dreaming, a space where dominance is relinquished in favor of the endless possibilities of slumber.

Finally, McCarthy's show folds back on itself, incorporating angry reactions to the public "Tree" onto a scribbled canvas. Phrases like "eat shit" and "are you the artist" clearly didn't only provoke but also inspired the artist -- especially the former. McCarthy's exhibition plays dirty in every way -- until all your favorite childhood folkloric figures are conspiring to have you stuff your face with chocolate shaped like a dildo-wielding gnome, all for the sake of art.

McCarthy's "Chocolate Factory" will surely be rude, foul and fantastical all the same -- think Willy and St. Nick's frat house on hazing night. But McCarthy remains one of the artists whose gross-out tactics never quite overshadow his ideas and skill. Looks like he can have his chocolate butt plug and eat it too.



"Chocolate Factory" runs at January 4, 2015 at the Monnaie de Paris.

The Definitive Guide To Making Your Pet Famous On The Internet

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Grumpy Cat and Lil Bub, two felines with no concept of wealth or celebrity, have already reached a level of success more lofty than the rest of us will probably ever see. Because the world has never been -- nor ever will be -- fair, each cat nets its owner six-to-seven figures of real American dollars, all in exchange for living, breathing and doing cat stuff.

But they didn't make it on their own! They had a lot of help (duh, because they're cats) from their owners -- the real heroes of this story. They're the ones devoting an unfathomable number of hours to bravely documenting the inspirational lives of their pets, armed only with smartphones and a deep sense of purpose. They're the ones who keep their pets' schedules. They're the ones who sacrifice real jobs for their furry friends who don't actually give a damn. This life could be yours!

Admittedly, it is much easier to achieve supreme secondhand Internet fame when your animal friend was born with some unique quirk, like Grumpy's perma-scowl or Bub's goofy tongue. But there are plenty of average-looking pets enjoying the thrill of Internet fame, as well. So, after making profiles for your pet on Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Vine, Ello, Emojli and Yo, ready your smartphone. Here's all you need to do to make him or her a star.

For those with average Internet connections like us, these happy corgis will keep you entertained as the photos load below.





Photograph your pet under the covers.


A photo posted by tomiinya (@tomiinya) on




A photo posted by jiff (@jiffpom) on






A photo posted by Pudge (@pudgethecat) on








Photograph only part of your pet.


A photo posted by Trotter (@trotterpup) on




A photo posted by Jeremy Veach (@jermzlee) on











Photograph your pet enjoying the outdoors.


A photo posted by Grumpy Cat (@realgrumpycat) on







A photo posted by Biddy (@biddythehedgehog) on








Photograph your pet getting a bath


A photo posted by Lil BUB (@iamlilbub) on




A photo posted by Ginny's World. (@ginny_jrt) on







A photo posted by Marnie The Dog (@marniethedog) on








Photograph your pet super close up.


A photo posted by tomiinya (@tomiinya) on






A photo posted by Biddy (@biddythehedgehog) on




A photo posted by Shinjiro Ono (@marutaro) on








Photograph your pet in a costume.


A photo posted by Biddy (@biddythehedgehog) on




A photo posted by Menswear Dog (@mensweardog) on





A photo posted by Trotter (@trotterpup) on









Photograph your pet from the side.


A photo posted by Mr. Bagel (@chinnybuddy) on




A photo posted by Steph McCombie (@ifitwags) on





A photo posted by Jeremy Veach (@jermzlee) on




A photo posted by Biddy (@biddythehedgehog) on








Photograph your pet trying to sleep.


A photo posted by Shinjiro Ono (@marutaro) on




A photo posted by Grumpy Cat (@realgrumpycat) on











Photograph your pet in a ray of sunshine.



A photo posted by Menswear Dog (@mensweardog) on



A photo posted by Lil BUB (@iamlilbub) on




A photo posted by jiff (@jiffpom) on








Photograph your pet in a hat.


A photo posted by Sam (@samhaseyebrows) on






A photo posted by Jeremy Veach (@jermzlee) on









Photograph your pet doing something human. Silly pet!





A photo posted by jiff (@jiffpom) on




A photo posted by Lil BUB (@iamlilbub) on




This Yorkie Who Nursed Two Abandoned Kittens As Her Own Remind Us Love Has No Limits

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This pooch proves that you don't have to be blood related to demonstrate a mother's love.

Robyn Arouty, a photographer from Houston, received a call from a friend about three abandoned pets huddled together on a neighbor's lawn last Saturday. Arouty, an animal lover and rescuer, took a trip to see the group the next day, only to find a Yorkshire terrier pup acting as mother and nursing two kittens. The photographer got to work, capturing the adorably unconventional family in a black-and-white photo series, "Just When You Think You've Seen It All."

As a photographer that dedicates some of her time to rescuing animals, Arouty thought it was important to document the pup and kittens' story via photos in order to help them find a home.

"We have a severe overpopulation problem in Houston and I lend my skills to raise awareness and find animals homes or the help they need," Arouty told The Huffington Post in an email. "Clearly this group needed attention and to be brought to safety quickly."

The photographer says that when she originally went up to the furry group, the dog, now named Duchess, was very possessive of her kittens, William and Kate. However, after the shoot, Arouty says the protective mom seemed to warm up to her, realizing that the photographer meant no harm.

"After I finished photographing, we put the kittens in the crate to eat and Duchess was walking around the crate keeping an eye on them," she said. "About the third time around she slowed down when she reached me and let me pet her. The fourth time she jumped quickly up in my lap and planted a big kiss right on my cheek ... I know that was her way of saying, 'Thank you.'"

Arouty suspects that Duchess' motherly behavior comes from the fact that she may have had her own puppies taken from her.

"She most likely had puppies recently," she told HuffPost. "She was nursing the kittens as if they were her own puppies by birth."

Duchess, William and Kate are currently doing well, and have since been taken in by Buster's Friends Rescue. They are getting the care and attention they need, and will be available for adoption in a few weeks.

Read Arouty's photo story of Duchess, William and Kate below:

Just when you think you’ve seen it all.

york pup

They didn’t know how or why ...

york

But there they were … abandoned in a neighbor’s yard.

york 2

I shook my head. Called a good rescue friend. And took out the camera.

yorkie5

She recently had puppies … and now she was nursing two small kittens.

yorkie4

Caring for them as if they were her own.

yorkie 3

Protecting them and teaching them.

york cat

Compassionate and loving. And doing all the motherly things.

sleepy yorkie

And happy to have the job.

yorkie


All photographs and captions by Arouty. To see more of her work, visit her website here, or her Facebook page here.

To make a donation to Buster's Friends, click here.

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Ryn Weaver Didn't Become The Next Big Thing Overnight

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Ryn Weaver was balled up on a bed in the corner of mega-producer Benny Blanco's Chelsea apartment-studio in New York City. She couldn't keep her fingers out of her long hair and Blanco's 10-week-old French Bulldog, Larry, humped her leg. "I'm a weird creature," she said, rubbing Larry's back, "but he's a gargoyle."

Blanco's sprawling high-rise apartment hosts a revolving door of artists, two dogs and three recording studios. It's a Benny Blanco-branded hostel with rainbow rugs, mini pianos and dozens of shoes (Blanco asks his guests to leave footwear the hall). It's where Weaver conducted her first ever in-person interview with Billboard and it's the first place in a while that she's been able to call home.

On this warm November afternoon, Weaver had three coffees and just returned from a pitch meeting for MTV's "Artist to Watch" series. "I don't know if I'm the artist to watch," she said, "but I hope I am."

The Internet would agree. Weaver, 22 -- her real name is Aryn Wuthrich -- was totally unknown until June, when her single, "Octahate," produced with Passion Pit's Michael Angelakos, Benny Blanco, Cashmere Cat and Charli XCX, garnered 1 million plays on SoundCloud in two weeks. The catchy hook, powerful lyrics and A-list support system left everyone wondering one thing: "Who is Ryn Weaver?"

ryn weaver

When her dreamy, four-song EP, "Promises," came out a month later, she gained more praise, booked shows at New York's CMJ Music Marathon, started doing interviews and began feeling the backlash. Blogs and commenters likened her to Lana Del Rey (and her perceived manufactured superstardom) and questioned Weaver's talent after only hearing a few tracks.

"People were saying, 'Well, with all these collaborators, it might technically not be her,'" she said. "The first week I let that stuff bother me. It was surreal because it's my first experience dealing with any sort of feedback." (She's the kind of artist who will respond to Stereogum's comment trolls and say, "hehe it would be nice to have some of that major label money.") Signed to Blanco's indie imprint, Friends Keep Secrets, Weaver counters the claims that she's got millions backing her. "I'm broke, but on my way to not being, right?"

Now, she's trying to make that happen with a motley crew of hitmakers who insist without hesitation that they just want to be around to see Weaver succeed for one reason: She's good.

"When you hear the voice and the writing and the point of view, it just clicks for me," Blanco told HuffPost Entertainment. "I’m positive that if everyone else thinks as highly of her music as I do, there's no doubt she won’t be one of the biggest artists of next year."

Blanco has been working with Angelakos as co-executive producers on Weaver's full LP, due out in early 2015. "Even if it is manufactured, who cares?" Angelakos said in an interview. He faced similar criticism in 2007 when Passion Pit rose to fame. But since Twitter, Instagram and streaming services have made music reactions so immediate, Weaver now faces more intense and directed haters than Angelakos had.

"It doesn’t have to be this huge, well-thought-out executive plan. It’s not really. What it should be is a bunch of people hanging out, making music together. That’s what we’re doing. It's hilarious that we have to weirdly defend her," he said. "If there' a machine behind Ryn, it's a bunch of people who were like, 'We think people would really like your music if you went out there and owned it.' At this point it's a known fact that people are created. But, do you like the music? If so, great."

Weaver puts it like this: "I'm a little wild horse that got picked up and turned into a show pony."

ryn weaver

San Diego-born Weaver moved to New York to study acting at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, but dropped out after two years. "I was just done," she said. "I was obviously caught in the waitress/school trap of life and was getting swallowed alive. I needed to focus on my art." NYU's "strict" rules combined with college expenses -- "My parents were like, 'We can't afford your college, so go do what you need to do'" -- a bad boyfriend and a worse breakup, convinced Weaver to retreat to California to pursue music and become nomadic for a while. "I'm a junkyard dog," she said as Larry continued to rub up on her leg.

She spent two years living out of her car, crashing with her uncle and having week-long sleepovers with friends until she connected with Blanco, whose credits include Katy Perry's "California Gurls," Britney Spears' "Circus" and Taio Cruz's "Dynamite," to name a few. Weaver was staying in Los Angeles at the time and her friend found Blanco on Tinder. Weaver recognized him from a chance encounter a few years prior and convinced her friend to message him. Blanco invited Weaver and her friend to his birthday party and Weaver said she spent the whole night showing guests her SoundCloud account.

"We were drunk and I was like holding an iPhone up to people's ears," she said of the night in March 2013. "It’s not like one day I was like maybe I’ll be a musician. It’s all I ever wanted to do so I had to definitely put those vibes out all those times."

She didn't formally connect with Blanco or get in a studio until a few months later, but Weaver credits that night as her breakthrough. "I'm a hustler, a modern woman. I'm making my life work for myself," she said. "There's this fear in the back of my head. I love my mother more than anything, she's the best mother in the world, but she's a stay-at-home mom. There's something about me that always fought that. There's a part of me that's like I want to make my money. I want to be in charge."



In October, Weaver had her quasi-debut party at the Bowery Ballroom during CMJ. She did her own makeup in the bathroom, wore a top hat because a friend brought it, and played to a packed house of fans who, for the most part, had only heard her online. "It was scary," she said. "I’ve been this Internet artist, and there’s nothing scarier than that because there’s all this build up and all this ... whatever. All you’re thinking about is I hope I can do these songs justice."

A few weeks later and the enthusiasm around her first live shows had passed. But she still has show dates scheduled in Los Angeles and San Francisco and there are hints of a few festival spots. Weaver and Charli XCX are working on a top secret project for an "older female artist" and she's well into recording her full album with Blanco and Angelakos. "I’m just getting started," Weaver said. "I’m exciting to get going and doing more. It’s in a funny place right now because there’s all this hope and expectation but you can’t let it get to your head. That’s how you fall."

But at that moment, she and the rest of the apartment were waiting for BBC's Zane Lowe to debut Cashmere Cat's remix of "Octahate." As the first few notes played from the computer, Weaver leapt from the bed and ran to the computer stations. "I'll tweet it out and you can retweet it," one of Blanco's assistants said.

Obviously excited, she ran back to the bed, which is actually Cashmere Cat's. "He's lived here for a year or something and he literally just got the apartment above," she said. "Now there's an extra bed for a new artist." Weaver crashes in the studio off the main living room.

Before saying goodbye, she moved to the couch and cuddled with Larry, who had left her leg to made a bed inside of a jean jacket. "I'm gonna steal him when I go on the road," she said, holding his face like a baby's. "So I don't get lonely."

The Entire 'Scandal' Cast Got Tricked Into Recording Ridiculous Messages For Jimmy Kimmel

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"Scandal" star Joshua Malina loves pranking his castmates, so he decided to play a trick on them for Jimmy Kimmel's birthday. Malina told the cast he wanted to record special birthday messages for Kimmel. Unbeknownst to them, he reedited the video to create hilarious soundbites.

The clips include Tony Goldwyn saying he got Kimmel pregnant, Kerry Washington proclaiming she accepts Malina as her savior and so many more.

"Jimmy Kimmel Live" airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on ABC.

5 Scientific Inaccuracies You Didn't Know Were In 'Moby-Dick'

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An in-depth look into Melville's shaky science? Might as whale.

Scrutinizing the science of Moby-Dick is definitely beside the point, especially because there's evidence in Herman Melville's notes that he purposely skewed facts to bolster his story. Melville even wrote a friend saying he embellished things writing, "To cook the thing up, one must needs throw in a little fancy."

But the rambling scientific musings of the character you're supposed to call Ishmael are often so maligned by high school and academic readers alike that noting a few places where the facts are all wrong seems a worthwhile exercise. Today, November 14, is the anniversary of the United States release of Moby-Dick, so it's as good a time as any to knock it down a peg leg.

Here are five scientific inaccuracies in Melville's masterpiece.

moby dick



1. Moby Dick is supposed to be a sperm whale, but characteristics described such as the tail, teeth and size are all wrong for the species.

sperm whale spout

It was discovered in the 1930s that Herman Melville owned a copy of Thomas Beale's The Natural History of the Sperm Whale and based much of the "science" in Moby-Dick off of this book. From reading his notes in the margins of Beale's work, it can be determined that Melville purposely exaggerated the size and ferociousness of his whale. Professor Steven Olsen-Smith of Boise State University writes in his "Introduction to Melville's Marginalia" about the specifics:

In the margins of his source Melville marked dimensions of the sperm whale's mature length, its tail and blubber, and bones. Then, in manuscript composition, he systematically enlarged upon what he had marked, adding six feet to the length of the sperm whale, and nearly four to its circumference, six feet to the width of the tail, more than two feet to the span of its largest rib, an inch to the thickness of its blubber, and half an inch to the width of its terminal vertebra.


While making the sperm whale seem larger than it truly is, Melville also made other competing whales in the sea smaller than what he read in Beale. In the chapter "The Fossil Whale," Melville writes, "To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea." Melville is hyping Moby Dick into a monster to create a better fish story (more on Melville classifying whales as fish in a second.)

Other deviations of Beale's work that make Moby Dick into a more atypical monster include that sperm whale's teeth are supposed to have a row of cone-shaped teeth while Moby Dick has rows of sharp ones, a move sperm whales make with their tails to avoid running into ships is characterized as menacing when Moby Dick does it, and sperm whales are usually very peaceful creatures while Moby Dick is not. The monster instinct of ramming ships is based off stories Melville heard of Mocha Dick and the whale that sunk the Essex, but that behavior is atypical. Once again, this is a purposeful scientific inaccuracy that Melville is making. When describing killer whales in the cetology section, Melville writes that the name seems redundant, "For we are all killers, on land and on sea; Bonapartes and Sharks included." Moby Dick might not have been a killer if it weren't for the harpooners, but it was always possible.


Image: WikiCommons



2. The release of The Origin of Species just a few years after Moby-Dick kind of makes the Cetology section a fail whale.

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Much of Ishmael's basis for his own classification of whales by size and for saying, "a whale is a spouting fish with a horizontal tail," is that the character feels as if current whale wisdom is essentially terrible and that he might as well come up with his own classification. Talking about the science of whales, Ishmael says, "though of real knowledge there be little, yet of books there are a plenty," and then lists out the literature that features whales, written by authors of whom only a handful actually saw whales. Then he narrows and says, "there are only two books in being," that get the sperm whale right, one of which is the Beale book mentioned before and the other of which is Frederick Debell Bennett's Whaling Voyage Round the Globe. So Ishmael concludes, "As no better man advances to take this matter in hand, I hereupon offer my own poor endeavors."

It is obvious that Ishmael's Cetology section is completely different than our current understanding, but it was never supposed to be a "correct" classification, it simply was a classification. What's funny though is that Ishmael's belief that any classification could do was almost immediately debunked when Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species came out just eight years later than Moby-Dick in 1859. Whales were definitively shown to be mammals and spending a very long time classifying whales by size almost immediately seemed scientifically ridiculous.

Images: Getty



3. Whale spouts are vapor despite what Ishmael says.

sperm whale spout

Further in Ishmael's "lol" approach to science, Ishmael makes the claim, "That for six thousand years ... it should still remain a problem, whether [the whale's] spoutings are, after all, really water, or nothing but vapor -- this is surely a noteworthy thing." From Melville's notes in Beale's work mentioned above, it is clear that he knew that whale spoutings were made of vapor and that they were not spewing water.

Melville is trying extremely subtly to establish Ishmael as someone who doesn't exactly know what he's talking about and naively believes he can contribute to our scientific understanding, as it's a wide open field. Ishmael hunts whales for a living, and it's common wisdom that history is written by the victors in war. Is Melville establishing Ishmael as authoritative-seeming, but ultimately unreliable factually to show us he may be unreliable for other reasons as well?

For what it's worth, New York Times columnist Carl Zimmer argued in an essay entitled "The Science of Moby Dick" that the science of the time was truly spotty so it's hard to say exactly what is Ishmael, what is Melville and what is simply the accepted science of the day:

It would be unfair, though, to single out Melville for such mistakes. Naturalists in the early 1800s were just becoming acquainted with the world’s biodiversity, and they were overwhelmed by the animals they encountered– the gorilla in Africa, the duck-billed platypus in Australia, the lungfish in Brazil.


Image: WikiCommons



4. Many of Ishmael's similes, such as describing the rowing sailors moving like a nautilus, don't exactly hold up.

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Moby-Dick is full of ridiculous similes that probably deserve their own article. In just the second chapter, Melville gives us, "like a Czar in an ice palace made of frozen sighs, and being a president of a temperance society, he only drinks the tepid tears of orphans." There's, "like that of a heart-stricken moose," and the super-bleak, "like a man cut away from the stake, when the fire has overrunningly wasted all the limbs without consuming them."

Although the science of ridiculous similes probably shouldn't be held to much scrutiny, let's do it anyway!

One simile that Melville got wrong was when he described Ahab leading a group of boats writing, "Like noiseless nautilus shells, their light prows sped through the sea; but only slowly they neared the foe." Unfortunately for Melville, Beale actually had the science wrong about the nautilus, a marine mollusk. In more of the writing of the previously mentioned professor Steven Olsen-Smith, it's explained:

On the same page as Natural History Melville read of the "argonaut, or paper-nautilus," as being endowed with a shell light enough to float on the surface of the sea and a thin membrane it employs as a sail while using "its tentacula as oars on either side, to direct as well as accelerate its motion." Discredited by modern marine biology, Beale's description of the nautilus prompted an annotation by Melville.


Cue Nelson pointing at Herman Melville and laughing, "Ha-ha!" Really nothing Melville could have done there.

Let's further pedantically pick apart Melville's similes! A couple more examples would be his writing: "Like oysters observing the sun through the water" and the classic "blind as a bat." Oysters don't observe things -- they're basically considered vegan-approved now -- and bats aren't blind. Get it together, Melville!

Images Getty



5. The whales are given very unrealistic survival chances and can't easily "escape speedy extinction."

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In Chapter 105, "Does the Whale's Magnitude Diminish? -- Will He Perish?" Ishmael argues that the whales shouldn't be compared to the nearing extinction of the hunted American buffalo as they have fortresses that are "impregnable" and are essentially a worthy foe to harpooners. Ishmael explains:

Forty men in one ship hunting the Sperm Whales for forty-eight months think they have done extremely well, and thank God, if at last they carry home the oil of forty fish. Whereas, in the days of the old Canadian and Indian hunters and trappers of the West, when the far west (in whose sunset suns still rise) was a wilderness and a virgin, the same number of moccasined men, for the same number of months, mounted on horse instead of sailing in ships, would have slain not forty, but forty thousand and more buffaloes; a fact that, if need were, could be statistically stated.


Ishmael is a hunter and he is giving his own spin. Unfortunately the sperm whale and many others are in fact endangered as harpooning became more sophisticated and oil more sought after. The bad science here is that the whale is not "immortal in his species, however perishable in his individuality" as Ishmael claims and therefore the justification for hunting Moby Dick should actually be less of an afterthought for the harpooners.

Image: Getty



BONUS: Whales don't smoke pipes.

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Also from Chapter 105:

But still another inquiry remains; one often agitated by the more recondite Nantucketers. Whether owing to the almost omniscient look-outs at the mast-heads of the whaleships, now penetrating even through Behring's straits, and into the remotest secret drawers and lockers of the world; and the thousand harpoons and lances darted along all continental coasts; the moot point is, whether Leviathan can long endure so wide a chase, and so remorseless a havoc; whether he must not at last be exterminated from the waters, and the last whale, like the last man, smoke his last pipe, and then himself evaporate in the final puff.


The addition of bold and italics added here to point out the line about a whale smoking "his last pipe." Whales don't smoke pipes. That's bad science.

Image: Etsy artist heatherfuture. Top Image: WikiCommons

Alfonso Ribeiro May Exit Early From 'Dancing With The Stars'

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Alfonso Ribeiro may be forced to leave "Dancing With the Stars." TMZ is reporting that Ribeiro injured his back in rehearsal Wednesday night overcompensating for the groin injury he suffered performing the famous Carlton dance. The injury is allegedly serious and may compromise his ability to continue in the competition. Sources told HuffPost Entertainment that Ribeiro was indeed injured during rehearsal and undergoing medical evaluation. His status for Monday's show is unclear.

Watch Ribeiro's Carlton dance performance below.

Dad Rounds Up 23 Artists To Give His Wife The Ultimate Birthday Gift

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With his wife Agnes' birthday right around the corner, Chicago resident Ernst Berlin was struck with the perfect idea for a gift: illustrations of their 8-month-old son, Jacob.

Berlin had two months to get the gift together, so he turned to the subreddit Reddit Gets Drawn and reached out to nearly 50 artists to see if they would be willing to create an illustration based on a family photograph.

"Twenty-three of them replied. It was more than I expected, but I loved all their previous work so i couldn't say no," Berlin told The Huffington Post. "I gave them all a set of 40 photos that I thought were my best to pick from -- [they could choose] whichever they thought their style would work best with. I didn't mind if there were multiples of the same photo done, i knew they would all differ."

When her birthday rolled around, Berlin gave his wife the additional gift of a 3-hour spa treatment so he would have time to hang the illustrations as a surprise.

"Honestly, I was worried about not finishing it in time," Ernst said. "Luckily it all worked out, but there are a lot more holes in the wall than there are nails!"

As to be expected, Agnes' reaction was priceless.


Take a look at how some of the illustrations turned out:

ernst berlin

Doctor_Manhattan/Imgur

ernst berlin

windurr/Imgur

ernst berlin

riffraff70/Imgur

ernst berlin

Jubhubmubfub/Imgur

ernst berlin

platypusabacus/Imgur

ernst berlin

ninjamonkeydog/Imgur

ernst berlin

riffraff70/Imgur

Check out the rest of photos and illustrations on Reddit.

H/T 22 Words



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